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I'm still alive! Honest! (Needs several clones.)

No complaints of holiday depression this year - it's been a good holiday. I've overdosed on holiday music (over 1000 on shuffle on my ipod), actually put up a tree of sorts as well as some decorations. Spent a small fortune on gifts, including a new camera and sewing machine for myself. Yeah, spent too much, but this month I don't care. Next month when the bills arrive will be another issue.

I survived Christmas without killing my SIL (although I didn't speak to her more than absolutely necessary). Spent the weekend at my brother's to make my mom, nieces, and even my brother happy. My SIL can go fuck herself. I was civil, but that's it. First time I've been there in almost a year because of her.

I was honestly surprised to learn my nieces missed me? Really? I only see them a few times a year, so why would the lack of those few make much of a difference. It was nice to learn I was WANTED. (I am sometimes stunned to realize how low my self-esteem really is. Yes, I'm fucked up, I admit it.)

I've been invited to a friend's New Year party - she just got a new regulation pool table, so playing shall happen. (I'm a kamikaze shot - I will go for the angle and bumper shots over straight shots - and do pretty decent at them. I'm not to good at the straight shots.) It will be fun. :) (I have a growing circle of friends which is awesome in its awesomeness.)

What is your opinion of the death penalty? How important is this issue in deciding which political candidates you support?

I'm in favor of it. And I think we wait too long before executing them. So what if it's not a deterrent - it's a drain on the system and the pocketbook to have these useless pieces of garbage taking up valuable resources that other people truly need. But it doesn't factor into my political decisions at all.

I finished this today for reading tonight - Macha helped, giving me some good advice.

Do you want to live forever?

I stroke the rich sable of her hair, feeling it moving between my fingers, the ends coiling to keep me close. Her aroma is rich and warm and wood, as if brown had a scent, the tang of copper an added spice.

I could remain like this eternally, curled around her, breathing her, tasting her, feeling her. She is all I want, all I need. She is my life.

“Do you want to live forever?” she asks, fingertips tracing a line down my neck, curving over my shoulder.

And I fall into blue depths, sinking deeper and deeper until there is only darkness blanketing me.

“Do you want to live forever?” she repeats, her voice low.

“With you?”

And she smiles, a light in the depths, and I’m warmed by her pleasure.

I’m stretched beneath her, skin against skin, the weight of her body keeping me anchored lest I float away.

She tastes my mouth, my body, my heart – tongue finding my pulse everywhere.

“Do you want to live forever?” she asks again.

And I know, body against body, breast against breast, heart against heart what I want.

“With you,” I agree without hesitation.

Her arms curl around me in a possessive embrace and I know I am hers.

Her mouth is pressed hard against my skin, bruising, drawing blood to the surface before I feel the sharp points sink into my flesh.

I arch into the pain, embracing her. My cries change from whimpers to moans of pleasure. She is in me and I am a part of her.

The arms around me protect me, keeping me from resisting what I want. They remain, supporting me as my limbs grow heavy and my eyes begin to close.

And when I think it is enough and begin to surrender all she draws away. I feel empty without her mouth against my flesh, but have no will to protest.

“Do you want to live forever?” she whispers, holding me against her side, my head pillowed on her curves.

“With you,” I whisper in return.

She draws nails over her flesh, a glistening trail of crimson following their path.

I hesitate – in all these years this has been the one taste of her that has been forbidden.

And she tips my head until my mouth is pressed to her gift and I know this is mine.

I wish for more – all of her has never been enough – but as it slows to the last warm drops my eyes slide closed and I sleep.

And I dream.

Of crimson and fire and heat. Of the hunt and the chase. The capture. The pulse of her surrounding me and filling me, thundering through me. I burn for her and her mouth scorches me.

I wake and can feel her inside and out. She is within me and around me. The weight of my limbs seem too much to move and I content myself with remaining as I slept, pillowed against her, limbs endlessly tangled.

Her hand is in my hair, over my cheek, against my neck, stroking gently until her fingertips come to rest on her mark, tracing the shape, making me burn with want.

She tips my head to meet her eyes and I fall into them yet again, eternally lost in her.

“Do you want to live forever?” she says and it is breath and promise.

“With you,” I say, wanting her to see all of the passion and devotion I feel for her.
She kisses me and I imagine I can taste myself mingled with her, moaning into her at the thrill of being so entwined.

She breaks the kiss, leaving me gasping. I have no time to catch my breath before her mouth is against my skin, piercing my flesh, drawing me into her.

I do not resist at all this time, holding her close, wishing I could join our bodies forever as well.

And when crimson is all I can see, and her heartbeat is all I can hear, and her heat is all I can feel she gives me treasure.

Her flesh is pressed against my mouth and I sink into her, velvet washing over my tongue, bathing my throat as I drink my fill. It expands, flowing through me, burning and energizing until she is all I know and all I am.

“Forever,” I breathe.

“With you,” she agrees.

Current Mood: chipperchipper

This is another little story I wrote for open mic night - it went over very, very well. Our theme for June was SMUT and I was the host for the evening.

I once wrote a DBZ story of the same title and kink, and originally this was going to be a quickie little rewrite. And then Sam and Viv got demanding and wanted more. So I gave it to them. Character development? Who needs character development? (Actually, I did write a version that had more character development, but because of the 5 minute time limit for reading I pulled it out. Someday I'll merge them back together.

And yes, these are the hit woman and the private eye several years down the road. :)


Sam sighed as she watched the roller coaster go through another loop, the riders screaming their approval as she waited for her girlfriend Vivian to return.

Vivian had convinced her to ride the coaster earlier as part of her ‘family day’, but twice was enough for Sam. She had to admit it had been kind of fun acting like a kid, but after awhile she started feeling too self-conscious to continue. Vivian was the wild, go-for-broke one, not her, but she’d do a lot to make Viv happy.

“I’m back! Did you miss me?” Vivian purred into her ear, resting hands on Sam’s shoulders.

“You were gone?” Sam grinned, leaning back to press against her warmth.

“I got us a snack,” she answered, ignoring Sam’s teasing. She reached around, one arm pulling Sam closer, the other holding something pink and fluffy.

“Cotton candy? You?” Sam asked doubtfully. Viv was the healthy one; unlike Sam it was unusual for her to eat any kind of junk food.

“I know, I know,” Vivian chuckled “But I only get it at carnivals, so I don’t eat it very often.

“Close your eyes,” she whispered, reaching around, pulling off a piece and brushing the sticky sweetness over Sam’s lips. Sam traced the path with her tongue, tasting sugar.

Sam opened her eyes in time to see Vivian about to eat *her* treat. She grasped Viv’s wrist, pulling it back down.

“Mine,” she growled.

Viv smirked and fed the candy to her girlfriend, letting fingertips linger to be sucked clean.

Once in the heat of her mouth, the candy vanished, dissolving instantly into sugar. She rumbled with pleasure and twisted around in the circle of Vivian’s arms, pulling a piece of the pink fluff free and offering it to her.

Viv grinned as she leaned down to eat the proffered treat, capturing Sam’s hand, her tongue curling around each sticky digit.

Sam couldn’t help her dopey smile as the game continued, she and Vivian taking turns teasing the other with the sugary confection.

“Hmmm,” Viv murmured as she sucked on her girlfriend’s fingers, “I wonder how much cotton candy it would take to cover you...”

She placed another piece between Sam’s parted lips.

“...and how long it would take for me to lick every drop of sugar off your body,” she continued.

Sam tried to make a laugh of approval, but it escaped as a giggle, making her blush in embarrassment at making such a girly sound.

They both tried to get the last piece, but Viv used her height advantage to raise it out of reach, smiling victoriously.

“That’s cheating,” Sam muttered.

Viv put the remaining candy in her mouth, bending down to capture Sam’s lips.

Sam immediately allowed the sweetened tongue to brush against hers, dueling with Vivian’s for the last of the sugar.

“Let’s go home,” Sam said when she could breathe again.

Vivian quickly stripped them both, practically ripping the fabric away in her urgency, pressing Sam back into the bed, kissing her passionately. Sam’ wrapped around Viv, holding her close, nipples rising at the feel of flesh against flesh.

Vivian’s mouth found hers, tongues touching, the taste of sugar and sweetness remaining. Sam could only breathe her in, powerless to hold back her moan of pleasure.

The entire way home all she could think of was the softness of Vivian’s skin and the heat of her mouth, desire building until she swore she would come at a single touch.

Vivian knew – she always knew – and drew away, smiling her shark smile.

“Don’t be in such a hurry. I still need to have my snack.” Vivian reached for the bag of pink cotton candy she’d bought.

Sam smiled back. “Even though it will make a mess?”

“Especially because it will make a mess – because then we’ll need a shower. Now you just lay there like a good girl and let me create.”

Like she’d refuse.
Sam did as requested, stretched out over the sheets. Vivian shredded the fluffy candy into silken threads, placing them all over her body, making Sam wriggle and laugh as she made her art. The strands melted on contact with the heat of her body, coating her in sticky red sugar.

Vivian pressed her mouth to Sam’s breast, tongue lapping over the slope, gradually removing the sugar surrounding her nipples. Sam brushed fingers through Vivian’s red hair, crying out when her hot mouth covered her nipple, tongue darting against it. Vivian sucked and nibbled, moaning against her skin as Sam writhed beneath her.

Vivian covered her entire body with her mouth and tongue, dipping into crevices and over curves, making Sam buck and groan until she was begging Vivian to stop teasing. Her head was thrown back against the pillows, back arched pressing her body against Vivian, aching for more of her touch.

Finally...finally Vivian moved lower, tasting the sugar on her inner thighs. Sam cried out when her talented tongue and fingers slid over and into her pussy, making her writhe in ecstasy. Sam’s first orgasm hit her so hard she screamed, fingers clenching Vivian’s shoulders. The tender torture didn’t let up as she took advantage of every erogenous zone of Sam’s, wringing a series of orgasms from her that left her wrung out, feeling rather drunk and stupid and very, very in love.

Viv grinned as she licked the last drops of sugar from her lips.

“Now that is my favorite bedtime snack.”

Current Mood: accomplishedaccomplished

This was the poem I read at the last open mic night. :)
Well der -

I’ll fuck you if you want.

I’ll fuck you if you want.
Hot sweaty slippery play
Do this do that touch here
Yeah…just like that.

And you hesitate and say
‘I’m not looking for a relationship’

Well hell
Neither am I.

I like you – don’t get me wrong.
But right now I don’t give a damn about
your pets
or work
or what your girlfriend requirements are.

(And I wonder just when you had time to write up that questionnaire you expect me to fill in the bubbles completely with a number two pencil and why in the hell are you carrying a sharpener around with you and if I fail the test does that mean no or in your mind is F a good thing because there’s F and there’s F)

Because I’ll fuck you if you want

I am too alive!

I've posted some of this at the Salon, but I'm still adding...
I will most likely be a guest and/or back-up facilitator at a weekly lesbian discussion group. Because I can't think of topics off the top of my head (believe it or not) I've been scribbling down topics. (I'll list some of them below.)

Do you have any other topic suggestions (they don't have to be lesbian themed) or an idea where I can find some? Maybe a book?

So some of the topics -

(This one is more of a quickie for people to use to introduce themselves.) What hobbies/habits/interests do you have that others might see as childish - but you don't care.

Techie toys you can't live without. (Probably also a quickie.)

Do you think technology & social media has hurt or helped society?

How much do you hate The Big Gay Sketch Show? (Okay, so I do.)
Do you watch a lot of gay oriented TV? What are your favorite shows?

Who do you take after more? Your father or mother? What qualities of theirs do you see in yourself?

Vanilla sex for one, kinky sex for the other - will it work? Which one are you?

Chat up lines - responses received. Did they work? Would they work on you? What line do you want to hear?

How long after dating women did you stay in the closet to most people? (family and or friends)

If you could move to any country, which one would you choose and why.

I've just run into my first real discrimination because I'm gay - and from a family member to boot.

What's been happening.... (all inter-related eventually)
First, Mega-con is this weekend. I've been planning on attending for a few months, but I was waiting to see what my bonus was like. It was enough that I could afford to go without guilt.

Second, I like to take my nieces to cons in their area, so I offered to take them. Turns out only the oldest is available.

Third, I've gone out with R a few times. We haven't gotten serious, but we've been having fun. (Although I also learned tonight she's not really wanting a relationship, and probably not even a fling right now.)

Fourth, my brother and his family live close enough to Orlando to make it convenient to stay there.

Fifth, I asked my brother if it was okay to bring R along before inviting her. He said okay.

Got it? Okay. So Sunday, my SIL called about getting stuff for my oldest niece's birthday. I mentioned I would be there this weekend with a friend who was on the way to being a GF. Finished the conversation, no problem.

A short time later, my brother called - he was in the dog house. He hadn't told her. Better yet, she has now decided she has problems with my gayness. She doesn't want the girls to be exposed to the possibility of me *gasp* holding hands or maybe kissing. (She'd have no problem with her brother having a girlfriend.) (In case you're wondering, I'm not a big PDA person - public making out is not my thing. And we're not at make out stage anyway. And I had no intention of having sex in their house - to me, that's a lack of respect to my hosts, especially with someone I wasn't serious with yet.)

And supposedly she asked my niece if she'd have problems with my having a gf there, and she said she would. So another person to reject me for stupid reasons.

My brother (and this is a stunner, trust me) is okay with me having a girlfriend along. He even said if I got married he'd be there. I don't know who this person that kidnapped my brother is, but I kind of like him. He doesn't agree with her.

So apparently they had a fight. And he lost. I can come there, sure. But besides having to stay in separate rooms (on opposite ends of the house) we aren't allowed to engage in any physical contact. My brother had the dubious pleasure of calling me with this judgment.

So I canceled. Told him I'm not coming and I'm not taking my niece. I don't feel welcome there.

I came home to find a message from my SIL that says she is not ready to expose the girls (13 & 15) to that "sort" of relationship. I've been out to my brother and SIL for almost 10 years. In that time, they didn't find it necessary to even tell my nieces I was gay - I ended up outing myself to them two years ago when I took them to Jacon. This apparently caused some trauma because the girls were upset at their parents for not telling them. So what the hell have they been doing or saying the past few years?

My mom actually understands and offered to get involved - I told her not to; save it for a bigger battle which is sure to happen around the holidays. I'm on speaking terms with my brother - I plan on writing him a letter telling him where I stand.

I'm drawing a line in the sand. I'm not going back. I'm not visiting my SIL or my nieces until I get an apology and an invitation for me AND girlfriend (whichever one that might be) to visit without stupid rules. They can visit me, but if they do, they have to deal with the fact I am out and will not hide or go back in the closet for anyone. (Hell, if I don't have a girlfriend then, I'll find a friend to play one - just to fuck with her.)

A foreign safe sex commercial - explicit in a comic way. :)

Okay - I've done it. I posted my first online personal. And just doing that has made me nervous. And I keep asking myself what I will do if someone actually responds.

I'm so fucked up.

Your result for The Fan Fiction Personality Test...

The Shipper

Slash, pairings and Playboy plot bunnies.

You are very likely female, and you very likely examine characters for their "slashability". Though you insist that your stories don't circle around love and sex between attractive characters, they do.

It is also likely familiar to you that at a certain point in your story, a character (or more) discovers that he (and rarely even she) is gay, and starts a relationship with another character.

Your fanfiction meets the taste of many, especially if your pairing happens to be between two attractive males that are straight in canon.

You probably wrote something about Harry Potter falling in love with Draco Malfoy, Legolas starting a secret romance with Aragorn or Obi Wan being a sex sklave of Han Solo. If not, you probably still consider to do it.

Take The Fan Fiction Personality Test at OkCupid

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